I walk down the street, watching the ground disappear under my feet, under each step, which I take slowly, languidly. This never-ending grey pavement flows continuous, endlessly, in a monotony broken only by a crossing street, an open whole in the ground, a kiosk, a terrace, by the many who cross my way making me zigzag every now and then. I'm walking and watching. I watch people, coffee houses, stores. I watch the sun going down in the distance, with its fading light, giving way for the night to arrive, little by little, only to keep on the mess that reigns during the day. I'm walking and looking at the horizon in front of me, at the end of this endless street of Buenos Aires, of this Buenos Aires of endless streets. I can't see pink palaces nor colourful tin-made houses. I can't see old buildings that line up continuously nor modern buildings in a port stolen from nature. I can't even see euphoric people making the stands tremble at the pace of emotion and goals, neither parks, large avenues, the river turned into sea, I can't see any of these things. The long hours spent walking are used to look at who's around, who passes by. Thinking, feeling. Feeling the thick air entering my nostrils, hearing the cars running in the streets, watching those who like myself walk continuously. I wonder what each passerby is thinking about, what each of them is feeling, but I immediately get lost in my own thoughts, in that smile that keeps coming to my mind, though I see it further and further away. I smile as well, thinking of friends, of how good it was to feel like family among them while sharing 'mates', 'asados', drinks, never-ending chats... But the same smile keeps coming to my mind, to remind me of other beautiful moments, lived now as well as before, lived in a heartbeat, which now slowly fade away, bringing the nostalgia of a present that rapidly turns into past, even though I kick and flounder. Instead I move on, walk through the night, kicking against the pavement, dancing with the unknown people that crosses my way, sharing with them this pavement, this city, this very moment. A distant and muffled sound drags my feet towards a music. I follow them. I let this sweet melody take control of me and the moment control my senses. My eyes dance in the feet and bodies that move slowly, passionately, twisting around each other, involving each other, falling in love with each other. I feel the sound with my fingertips and down my spine, through where slowly descends a tango that I taste with the nostalgia of a smile. I hear without knowing what I'm listening to, listening what I can't hear, listening to my heart instead that sings this way:
"Vos sos sonrisa en mi boca, la sonrisa que no está,
Vos sos la luz que ilumina mi Buenos Aires,
Sos la tristeza de un adiós que no quería,
El feo adiós de una sonrisa que se fue.
Sos el todo de una pasión, de un lindo sueño,
Vos sos un tango que bailó dentro de mi,
Sos ese tango que aun baila dentro de mi corazón,
Vos sos el tango que bailé pero se fue.
No te vayas de mi vida! Ya te fuiste...
No te olvides lo lindo que fue lo nuestro,
Ya me voy pero el dolor aquí se queda,
Porque tan solo tu sonrisa está en mi.
Vos sos el tango Argentino que bailó un Portugués,
Sos la nostalgia que cambió, vos sos saudade!
Serás, mi linda, para siempre una sonrisa,
Dulce pasión que me prendió a Buenos Aires."
My feet decide to move down the street once more and the pavement starts to unwind under them. The tenuous light follows the sound that is also fading, slowly, which I can hear further and further away, like a nostalgia that stays while I go away. I follow nothing but my own footsteps. Inside I am still dancing this tango that plays endlessly, although it is also fading away, little by little...
Buenos Aires, Argentina, April 2009
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